Just an Idea...

Dear Voicemail Recording People World Wide,

How about, instead of:

Please listen carefully, as the options have changed:

You add a context:

We changed the phone system on Jan. 15, 2002, so please listen to the options...

That way if I know that last week I needed to press 3, then 8, then *29, then ###4, I know that it still works this week.

Also, when you say:

We are experiencing unusually heavy call volume

This is what I hear:

We don't care a rat's ass about customer service, please sit on hold for this next 35 minutes and listen to our admonishments (which mean that you have to listen really hard to make sure it's not a representative talking THIS time) about how you should really be doing this online, even though you tried that and that same website told you to call us.